A Dream, Within a Dream, Within a Dream
by SnapeDoll
Summary: A tale on what dreams may have been whispering in Snape's head, regarding what Dumbledore had asked him to do. Flashback sequences to Sev's childhood, Hogwarts and the night he became a Death Eater. Short and sweet. Written before Book 7 came out. Review!
1. Childhood Cruel

((AN: I wrote this a while back for a HP roleplay group I was heavily involved in at one point. Specifically, I wrote these three pieces for _A Dream_ in order to win the coveted part of roleplaying Professor Snape. I ended up getting a majority vote, so I'm assuming what I wrote wasn't too badly written. I figured I'd post some of my stuff up on here, and see what others may say about my cryptic chicken scratch.))

_A Dream Within a Dream, Within a Dream... : Pt. 1 Childhood Cruel_

Staring out the window. Watching the outside flash by. Rain streaks on the glass. Severus inhales, and goes back to reading his book. Even thought it had only been his first year at Hogwarts, the others in the train compartment with him knew enough by now to not bother him while he was reading. Fortunately, the food trolley had just come by, and now most of them were involved in their pumpkin pasties, or licorice wands. His own stomach contracted slightly with the first beginnings of rumbling hunger, and he forcefully tensed his abdominal muscles to prevent any sound from being heard. The young Severus Snape buries his head further behind his book, but now not really concentrating it... On the long train ride back to London, the boy who in many years time will become the formidable Professor Snape, slumps further in his seat. He finally falls asleep, being lulled by the rhythmic movements of the train.....

Lightning flashes and Severus wakes up. A deep roll of thunder came to his scared, young ears. He whimpers softly, and pulls his the bed sheet over his head, trying to hide away from the noise. Another flash of lightning that he can see through the thin cloth that was meant to act as a bed covering, and the four year old boy cowers. Eventually, as the minutes pass, the lightning and thunder begins to diminish. His eyes start to close, until he drifts off to sleep again....  
He awakes, startled anew by the noise of a door slamming. The walls in this house were painfully thin, and the slightest big noise came crashing through the rest of the house like... like... well, like thunder and lightning he supposed. The sleep addled brain of this boy tries to reason through this, until another loud sound is heard.

_Eileen? Where's my dinner? You lazy bitch. I'm out all day and half the night looking for work and soaking wet because of the rain and all you do is sit on your fat arse all day. _

The sounds of his mums voice floats through to him in then, muffled in the kitchen. Comforting clinks of glasses and plates, homey sounds. Sounds that he associated with his mother getting his meals, then sitting together afterwards and her telling him stories, the most wonderful stories. Stories of wizards and magic, dragons and fairies. Severus loved hearing those stories his mum had to tell. She told him that she knew he would see all of this for himself one day, that everything she told him was true. Magic was something that they both had, she said. Sometimes she would show him things that real magic could do. Like the time she had gone out somewhere, and brought back a sweet for him. It had been a frog made out of chocolate that could really jump! And then another time when she'd used what she called her wand, to make him really float in the air! And one day he, himself, would see all manner of wonderful things, she said... But she would only do these things when his father wasn't around. She said that Severus would understand one day. That sometimes grownups had to do things sometimes that didn't seem to make much sense...

A crash coming from the kitchen wakens the small boy from the light sleep he'd dropped off to again. His fathers voice, raised in anger yet again. The lighter sound of his mothers voice, trembling, then raised in protest. The sound of a hand hitting flesh. Slap. His fathers voice again, growling and scary now.

Severus puts his bed covers over his head, burrowing his head under his pillow, trying to hide the sounds. He knew his mother's face would be all manner of colors tomorrow. It always happened like this. His father would yell, and make loud noises, and then she'd be colorful the next day.

That bad feeling he usually got when things like this happened, for they happened so often, twisted painfully in his stomach. He tries not to think how his mum would sometimes cry when she would try to explain how she'd been clumsy and tripped, and that's why her face was all purple and red.  
And like what usually happened, when this very young boy thought about his mother crying, it brought about another reaction in him. One that mimicked hers, because, really, even as young as he was, he had a feeling of what was really happening. Something wasn't right with mummy and daddy. Sometimes bad things happened. And he knew it was his fault. He'd heard his father say it before, that he was weird, just like his mother. That he wasn't natural, and he'd grow up to amount to nothing, like her. After, when his father was gone away, his mum would say it wasn't true. But if it wasn't true, he would always think, then why did he always flinch when his father put a hand out to him. His father would laugh that cruel laugh of his then, and call him a coward.

His breath hitches and a tear escapes one eye. He closes his eyes shut, trying to block it all out. Just like every other time...


	2. Four Shadows

_A Dream Within a Dream Within a Dream: Four-Shadows._

Even with his sleep being disturbed, hardly any change surfaced so as to show on his face. A slight crease of the brow, and his head turns to the side. His breathing remains even and steady, as if no past recollections crossed the border between active, guarded against memories and unwanted, painful nightmares...

Sitting up against the trunk of the tree, an old book propped up on his knees in front of his face, so he could see to read better. It was after classes and before dinner, a time when most students in his year were trying to struggle through their homework or maybe goofing off. He didn't have time for that. Not now, not when he know had gotten the chance to put everything he'd read into actual practice. He wouldn't be so stupid as to waste his time on things that didn't matter. Concentrating further, he bows his head slightly as if to shy away from the lingering sun, and squints down at the tiny, handwritten script on the page. There seemed to be a specific way of holding a wand for this curse, and he wanted to make sure he had it down properly before he attempted it.

It was his third week at school during his second year, and the twelve year old Severus was paying close attention to nothing but the spell book he'd gotten from his mother.

She'd actually given it to him two years ago for his birthday. His father hadn't bothered to remember the occasion, and so had gone out drinking with his mates. Severus hadn't minded, had been somewhat pleased in fact. Not that much ever caused anything close to a smile to appear on his face. No. He was careful to guard his expressions. After all, he'd had years of experience at it and for good reason.  
After his father had left the house, his mother had told him to wait in the house while she went out to "get something". In a quarter hours time, she reappeared, carrying a worn, dirty handkerchief tied up in a square. When she moved, it jingled slightly, the sound of metal upon metal. His mother had smiled at him when he looked curiously at the dirt stained cloth, then had taken his hand.  
Hold on tight, Severus. It will be just like last time.

He gripped her hand harder when he heard those words come out of her mouth. He remembered the last time she'd taken him somewhere like this. Apparating she called it. A way that wizards and witches traveled, she said. It was uncomfortable at first, he had to admit that much, but he liked it better than the way everyone else traveled, the way muggles traveled. That's what he'd learned to call them in his head, ever since his mother had taught him that.  
The strange pulling feeling began that signaled the start of the apparition. Severus closed his eyes as it began...

.... Several minutes later, he was walking alongside his mother. Knockturn Alley. That's what she'd said this place was called, the last time they'd been here. He glanced down at her hand, noticing that for once she was holding her wand out in the open and with no apparent shame. He looked around, feeling somewhat uneasy even though his mother was right by his side. His footsteps fell out of sync with hers as they passed a small, twisting side alley. Looking suspiciously into the shadows, he thought he saw movement, but... His mother grabbed his hand then, jerking him back to attention. They continued walking, until they arrived at the doors of a bookstore. Looking curiously in through the dirty windows, he glances up at his mother, then back at the books. For once, his mother looses the guarded look she always seems to carry on her face, and ruffles his hair briefly. She tugs at his hand, and they step into the bookstore together.  
A half hour later, they step out of the door together. Eileen is carrying the much lighter handkerchief from earlier, and Severus has a large, worn book in his arms. It's a book that has the look and feel of something held for too long in the darkness, soaking up bad thoughts and negativity. Just under where Severus is holding the book in both arms, the word "Curses" stands out in sharp relief, outlined in dark red. Inside, he was pleased. This was another book to add to his collection.  
Eileen looks down at her son, her eyes wrinkle very slightly at the edges almost as if she were smiling at having been able to make him happy, then gently takes his arm. They apparate back to what they considered to be home... It wouldn't do, to not be there when – if – Tobias were to show back up....

Continuing to read, Severus pays no mind to the slight rustling sound in the grass behind the trees. Instead, he is envisioning the wand movement that he needed to do for this particular curse – Under, and quickly pointed out at the opponent. Over and over, he pictures this in mind, determined to get it down, determined to get it perfect. His mother had told him what some of the other students at Hogwarts were probably going to act like towards him. She'd said it was important to learn what he could, the earlier the better. And so he'd taken her words to heart. Over the past several years, he'd been studying what was contained in this book. Practicing mouthing the words, asking his mother questions when he could, and envisioning the results. Often times, there was one particular face he envisioned being at the receiving end of one of these curses...

It was then that the two boys who'd been silently stalking Severus in the grass jump out to the right of him, one of them barely missing kicking Snape in the thigh. Frowning, Severus looks up, looking from one boy to the other. They were two elder Ravenclaw students... the two that he'd accidentally tripped up on the stairs the first day of classes this term, when he'd been rushing to try and get to class on time after being held up by Potter and Black. Since then the two Ravenclaws had shown up a few times in various places usually just to verbally assault him, but every once in a while to try and trip him up and once to hit him with a stinging hex.  
And they had their wands out this time, too.

They approach him, smirking, and watching with evident pleasure as he closed his book and drew his cloak in closer to himself.

_Don't mind us, Sniv, we're just here to give you a bit of company._

The taller of the two boys aimed his wand at Severus's foot, and a shot of blue light flew from the end of his wand.  
Taking advantage of his smaller stature, Severus curled his legs in at the last moment, then jumped to his feet, the spell the other boy had cast missing him completely.  
Holding out the wand he'd had concealed just under the fold of his cloak, he aims it at the two boys.  
His arm moved quickly, like a snake striking prey, moving his wand – Under, then straight out, aimed at the two older boys. His voice sounds, in tones that would seem much too matter of fact and calculatingly cold to be coming from one so young.

_Semperus Inseroth!_

An orange light, almost blinding, comes from the wand of this first. It wraps itself around the two boys, encasing them in an almost fiery light. The two of them start yelling, then screaming, as small, intense fires light themselves at random, all over their bodies.  
Still holding his wand out towards the two of them, Severus takes a step towards them. His dark eyebrows lower over his dark eyes – eyes that have gone eerily cold, in this twelve year old boy. His face is expressionless and hard, obviously uncaring as to what pain he was causing his two tormentors.  
Briefly, he looks up, when he hears distant shouts and yells from approaching prefects and other students. Some boys his own age, look on, silently watching. Severus stares back at them for a moment, before dropping his wand and allowing the curse to subside.

As a prefect reaches the area, Severus turns his back on the two other twelve year old, black haired boys. He distinctly hears one of them say, "Snivellus", and his expression grows nearly murderous. His hand tightens around his wand and he's about to turn around to face the two Gryffindor boys again, when he feels a hand on his shoulder, stopping his movement.  
As the prefect begins to scold him, Severus tunes him out. Whatever supposed punishment was to be meted out wasn't worth his concern at the moment. Not when the two Gryffindors were present, and looking on. Severus looks at them again, a curtain of black hair falling in front of his eyes.

The other two boys were also ones to watch out for. They were in his year, so it shouldn't be too difficult. James Potter and Sirius Black.

It wouldn't be a problem. He would remember.


	3. Grand Illusion

_A Dream Within a Dream Within a Dream: Grand Illusion_

His sleeping face now showing a frown, as though annoyed and angry by whatever vision currently danced upon his dreaming self. Snape's closed eyes squint tighter shut for a brief moment, then relax back into slumber. His eyes underneath move back and forth, as though watching a scene being played out....

After it had happened, and after he had been able to, Snape had apparated to Diagon Alley. He'd walked for hours, thinking about all that had led up to this decision and what was to happen now, even venturing out into the streets of muggle London. He hadn't cared that he was wearing his robes. With his hands shoved into his pockets, and his face looking down at the ground, black hair falling around his face he seemed more an apparition in sweeping black than anything else.  
A few of the others he knew had asked him to join them in a celebratory drink immediately afterwards, and he had... for a short while. It would have looked suspect if he hadn't. And since this was now real, it had now happened, he knew that certain steps would have to be followed, even if he wasn't normally sociable. But after an hours time of sharing a glass of firewhiskey with the others, speaking in low tones of what was to come and what was expected, whilst the Malfoy's house elf bowed and scraped, Severus had stood and made his excuses for departing. He knew the others would begin talking of his own potential as soon as he left, and wanted to delay the inevitable no longer. It was a right of passage, even in such a group as this. He was more than old enough to understand such a thing, even if he didn't particularly care for it.

Finally, he'd had enough of walking the cold streets of muggle London late at night. Making up his mind, he steadfastly turns on one leg, apparating a short distance away from the house where he had grown up. He waits several minutes, listening for a sign that someone might have heard the sound of his arrival. Nothing. He waits one minute more, then begins trying his slight skill at the subject he'd just started learning, Legilimency. He can touch on nothing for the first five minutes, then finally he gets a images of his mother, peacefully tipping herself backward and forward in a rocking chair, clear in his mind. He spent another ten minutes in an attempt to tell if there was anybody else in the house with her, and came up with not a sign. Snape felt sure enough of himself and his skills, to risk a trip inside. Silently, he walks forward through the dark to the house. His face shows sallow in the dim bulb on the porch, the circles under his eyes only made more prominent because of the shape of his nose. Out of respect, he knocks lightly once, then uses his wand to unlock the door and enter the house.

His mother was halfway out of her chair by the time he arrived in the tiny sitting room, that was directly inside of the entrance. He nods at her, letting her take his hand in a brief greeting. Taking his hand away from her, he inclines his head towards the sofa.

_ I need to show you something_.

Severus places a hand on his mothers shoulder, ignoring the question that sprang to her lips, and gently, but firmly, guides her over to the sofa. They both take a seat, and for a few moments, he does nothing more than stare at his clasped hands, not looking at her.  
He raises his head, seeming to have made a final decision. His mothers dark eyes look into those of her sons, so much like her own. He stares back at her, locking gazes.

_Do you remember what you used to tell me, when I was younger? About the differences between our kind and muggles, and how you'd wished you'd done things differently? That blood is one of the most important considerations in life, being topped only by the drive for power? That nothing should stop me in my pursuit of such, if I were given the opportunity?_

His mother had slowly been putting a hand up to her mouth, and now nods her head once at her son. Something of a hesitantly knowledgeable look had come into her eyes, as if she had an idea of what might come next.  
Severus nods back at her, his long black hair brushing the sides of his face as he does so. He uses his right arm to slowly push back his long black sleeve covering his left forearm. There, on the underside of his arm, branded into skin as white as a fish belly, was a black skull with a snake coming from its mouth. The Dark Mark that he had received a scant few hours ago.  
He looks into her eyes again, seeing that she was about to ask him a question.... And a shadow falls over them both. Immediately turning to stand, he takes his wand out and aims it directly at the person who now stood in front of him, his father.

The man now stood in front of them both, having come in through the back door. His eyes red and blurry looking from an obvious drinking binge. Seeing that he'd gotten the attention of both his wife and his son, he sneers at them.

_What, so the layabout's now gone and got himself a tattoo has he? Stupid blighter. I thought I told you last time you were here I didn't want you coming around no more. _

Tobias Snape takes an unsteady step forward, and finally notices the wand his son was holding out at him. He sneers at this again, and looks back at Severus.

_Big man, you are, you whelp, pointing a bleeding stick at me. What you planning on doing with that, throwing it at me? Can't even take a swing at me, like a proper man, can you? No, instead you're going to try and throw things at me ... Go on, then....  
_Not even paying attention to his son, he smirks and laughs._  
Like I always said, you're nothing but a cowa-_

At this, Snape had stepped forward. He was taller than his father by a few measures. Now, he glared down his nose at the older man, his eyes black and deathly steely. In a near whisper, laden with anger and hate, he begins to speak.

_ One more step, old man, and I will gladly put you in the grave you so richly deserve. You disgust me. Your worth is no more to me than that of a maggot crawling amongst filth. Less even. For years I have waited for the opportunity to do this, and tonight of all nights, I swear I shall have my comeuppance._

Standing back a step, he lifts his wand further, and glares at his father. Years of suffering and fear, hate and loathing show in the eyes of Severus Snape, and it is painfully clear that there is no turning back now.

_May you rot in hell. Avada Kedavra!_

The tell tale poisonous looking green light shoots from his wand – and everything slows down. Slower, and slower, things seem to almost stop. He can clearly see his mothers shocked expression, the idiot stare of his father, even the green, lightning bolt shape of the killing curse that was aimed straight at his father.  
Then, everything changes. A mist seems to come over everything, covering all, making the images fade into one another, morphing and changing. For a time, he's not sure what's just happened, if the spell had gone wrong perhaps, or if his mother had somehow stopped him. And then things suddenly clarify....

Now he was standing on the astronomy tower of Hogwarts. Dumbledore stood in front of him, clutching at his arm. A horrible feeling now weighed upon his chest, as if it would near crush him.  
Then, everything suddenly sped up. The green light, rushing towards Dumbledore, a silent voice seeming to scream out...

The top half of his body jerks upwards from lying down, wrenching him out of his sleep. He can nearly taste the words he'd been about to utter in protest. His heart was beating hard in his chest, and it took him a moment to realize that all of it... from the memory of the train ride, to the last moment was a dream. Nothing more. Nothing more than memories, wishful thinking and fantasy woven into one, accomplishing nothing but waking him up from some much needed sleep.  
Throwing back the covers, Snape gets out of bed and quickly dresses in the darkness. He had no need for mirrors, as he had no one to impress and could care less about such things. In less than ten minutes, he was dressed and ready to go, for he knew that no matter what he might do, there was no chance of returning to sleep this evening. And he refused to take one of his own potions for a few frivolous hours of rest. Leave that for weaker individuals.  
Picking up his wand, he strides towards the door, opens it, and proceeds into the hall, slamming the door behind him. Raising his wand up, he points it outwards, into the blackness that consumed the corridor. A burst of mid level light comes from its tip, illuminating his way. He begins stalking down the hall at a quick pace, heading for one of the doors leading to the grounds of the castle.

An hour later, and the slowly brightening sky finds him underneath the astronomy tower. His head bent down, as if in thought. Snape stays that way for a minute more. When he looks up, his face is bitter and resolute. He begins walking back towards the castle.

There were certain things that needed to discussed, with certain people.

_-Fin _


End file.
